Xmas blog special … never before published material!

HAPPY XMAS EVERYONE! … nothing but fun with special guest Mickey, and Xmas greeting messages today:

To get the answers, click on the “A”, keep it held down, and drag the cursor down …

Over to you Mickey …

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?

A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the red suit gets all the credit.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?                                 A: Sandy Claus! Yes I know it’s pathetic!

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.  One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “Jesus Christ!” he shouted. Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary, it’s much better than Ebenezer!”

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes.

Q: What did Adam say to his woman on the night before Christmas ?

A: “It’s Christmas Eve !”

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?                                                                               A: Polish, or to be more precise North Polish (I wonder if he pays pole ta?)

After a heavy night taking Santa around the world delivering presents Rudolph walked into a snack-bar in Funchal, wandered up to the counter and ordered a poncha. Without batting an eyelid, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, who handed over a twenty-euro note. The barman handed the reindeer a few coins in change, he said “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.” Rudolph looked hard at the hoofful of change and said “Hmmmpf! at these flipping prices, I’m probably the last reindeer you’ll ever see in here.” (… even hard working reindeer have to pay tourist prices on Madeira!)

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?                                A: Claustrophobic.

… Back to you Der …

“All I got for christmas was a new comb, but I will never part with it”

(if you don’t get this, you will need to look here :  http://www.madeira4u.com/m4u_Front_Pages/aboutus.html )

Also, don’t forget to let me know whether I should expose the self-confessed levada mugger or not … you the people decide … if the majority think he should be exposed, his photo will appear tomorrow. Bear in mind it’s Xmas, and he does have 12 kids.

OK that’s it for starters, but keep checking back during the day ……. Have a great day, and see you down the pub later maybe.


21 thoughts on “Xmas blog special … never before published material!”

  1. Olá Der, Feliz Natal. Great website and hilarious and informative blog pages I use daily to keep in touch with events on Madeira. I will call you in the new year as I need some tips on power heading. All the best to your readers and the children of Madeira. Christiano R.

  2. Thanks Chrisy, nice to hear from you again. I also have some more good tips for you on winding up that idiot Rooney. Good luck against Sunderland tomorrow. Merry Xmas

  3. Happy Christmas sr Der. Enjoy the blog very much. Keep up the good work. My family and I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your loyal fans a very prosperous new year, and I hope the weather is better than here in Spain.
    Juan Carlos I & Missus Carlos, & Family

  4. Hi darling Der, love the blog babes. Happy xmas to you and your readers and have a great new year, and I hope to pop over soon if you can put me and my pals up. Pammy A. xxx

  5. Merry Xmas Der and to all your blog readers there on Madeira. We are just opening our presents here, and so far Santa Claws has brought me a Siberian tiger skin bra, two endangered antelope species fur hats, a dodo feather mackintosh, and a rare seal skin pair of wellies … I reckon by this time next year there will be no more endangered species, and I feel so proud to have done my bit! Hope you get a wonderful new year and can manage to get over to see us, as its been a while. Macdonna xxx, Guy, and the 3 or 4 homeless waifs (I still can't remember their darn names).

  6. Bom dia e boas festas Der. Obrigado pelos conselhos durante 2007. Feliz natal e bon ano novo para toda a gente.
    Alberto João Cardoso Herringbone Gonçalves Jardim

  7. Habbyy christammmuss too youuu, und seassonel greeeetigs to the goood peoppple of
    maddeiraaa. I nevverrr rread yourrr bblogg, butt I gottt onnne off thossse newww braillll ccompputerr kkeyboardsss fforrr xxxmass andd I ammm gettttingg onn reallllyy wwelll wwithh ittt. TTakkee caree.
    –SSteviee Wonderrr

  8. Hi Der, have a great xmas and new year, and all your readers too. And by the way, hang that levada mugger, people like that are a darn nuisance! We will have no people like that when Madeira becomes part of the new Venezuelan
    –Hugo Rafael Chávez

  9. Hi Der, love the blog. It kept me sane (or is it insane?) during my time in prison. They were so nice in there, and I was the only one lucky enough to have a padded cell. Now that I am out again I am going out on the beer nearly every night, but I have grown a beard so if the police stop me whilst driving home they think I am Osama Bin Laden and let me escape. Happy Xmas and new year to everyone on Madeira.
    –Paris H. xxx

  10. Morning Der and a merry christmas to u both,if u want an exclusive interview with E.B.M i will be in the glass box bar at 2.00 with wife & two of the brood tom & jerry,if u fancy a couple of chrimbo beers.

  11. Hi there Der, thanks for the entertaining blog during 2007. Me and Thictoria read it every day. She is out doing some concerts with the girls again, a bit of a reunion with Loopy, Podgy, Spotty and Gerald. I expect you know that I am now playing rounders for LA Gallaxzy earning a few more million donuts a week. Best wishes to all your viewers – the spanish are such nice people, but they are also fools easily parted with their money. Can you explain again about the Levada Mugger. All the best – David Beckhum, Victoria, Romany and the other one.

  12. Howdy Der, my family and I have enjoyed very much your blogs over the last few months and would like to wish you and your readers a very merry christmas and a very special new year. Must go, as I have to feed Camilla (she's waiting out in the new centrally heated horsebox) and then I have a speech to make – it's live on Youtube this year, so that will be a new experience for oneself. Oh, and by the way, of course you have a duty to oneself to expose the Levada Mugger.
    Love Elizabeth II, Philip, Anne, Charles, Andrew, and little Eddie.

  13. Hi Del, Jamie here, happy xmas and all that to everybody. I was hoping you could help me out with some tips for xmas dinner, as us tv chefs don't know everything you know. Firstly me sprouts aint got no flavour – any suggestions?
    and then me parsnip went limp. Give me a call when you have a minute. Cheers.
    –Jamie Oliver

  14. Hi Der, somethings merry or merry something to all you old rockers on Madeira. Me and the boys are big fans, and we would read your blog, but we're all practically blind from drugs and old age. We're thinking of touring Madeira next year as I was told a hell of a lot of our fans go there on holiday, and that they cater well for old age pensioners. Take care man.

    –Mick Jagger, Keith and the boys.

  15. Hi there Der. Happy eazter to you and your listeners. I am leaking forward to a
    peaseful and proposterous 2006, as we intend to get all our troops out of Iran by summer. Another job well done! (ps – hang the mugger)
    –George W. & Barbara

  16. Hi Der from the mountains of Afganistan, where we are enjoying ourselves watching a battle and smoking ganja. Who is that person Paris who is pretending to be me? She has it all wrong, as I no longer have a beard. I have now died my hair ginger, and have a part time job as a celebrity cook with the BBC. If your levada mugger wants a job with me in Afganistan, we can use men like that, so send him over.
    –Osama Bin Laden

  17. OK, thanks to all those celebs, and friends who sent messages. That's it for today once I have published the daily sensible blog. Hope you all have a good fun night, and for those of you that have a boxing day (we don't it here) have fun tomorrow.


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